Funeral Etiquette
Funerals call for tact and sensitivity. It's especially important to be on one's best behavior and not act in a manner upsetting to the bereaved. People assume you know how to observe funeral etiquette and know what is acceptable, but that is not always the case. So here are the basics of funeral etiquette:
- Upon receiving the sad news, it's best to offer condolences and messages of sympathy. Do call or pay a visit to the bereaved to let them know they're in your thoughts. Even a brief visit is a comfort.
- If paying a personal visit to the home of the bereaved, it's proper to bring sympathy gifts, such as a reheatable casserole or other dish. Chances are, cooking is the last thing on the grieving family's mind.
- Condolence messages can include offers to help the family. If you can, offer childcare assistance, cooking, cleaning or shopping help to the bereaved.
- Be a good listener. The bereaved might want to talk about their dearly departed. If this is the case, be there.
- Offer pleasant memories of your own. Don't be afraid to talk about the deceased especially if you have some amusing and touching anecdotes.
- Avoid negativity. If there was animosity between you and the deceased, keep it to yourself. A family in mourning wants to remember their loved one in a fond manner.
- It's always good etiquette to let the bereaved know you're thinking of them by sending flowers for funerals, a personal condolence message, or a mass condolences card to the funeral home. If these are discouraged, make a charitable donation in the deceased's name or send a sympathy basket of fruit or other edible to the home of his family. Funeral flowers can also be sent directly at home to the family of the deceased.
- Funeral attire etiquette has changed through the years. Though it isn't necessary to dress in black, do show respect when picking out your funeral attire. Save brightly colored or provocative styles for club-hopping. Wear conservative suits or dress-clothes in dark, respectful tone. Try to avoid "happy" patterns such as florals.
- If a wake is being held, it's proper to first offer sympathy condolences to the family of the deceased before mingling with mourners.
- Also upon entering the funeral home, it's proper visitation & funeral etiquette to pay your respect to the deceased by approaching the casket and offering a prayer or quiet reflection.
- Those who were closest to the deceased are asked to be a pall bearer and carry the casket. To do so is considered a great honor.
- The funeral procession and recession are dependent upon religion. If you're not sure of the proper procedure, check with the funeral home attendant or clergyperson.
- Before entering the house of worship, turn off cell phones, pagers, electronic games and other noise-making or distracting items.
- Listen respectfully to those who are speaking.
- Allow family and close friends to sit in the front few rows. Business acquaintances and those who weren't very close to the deceased should sit in the rear.
- Do not eat, drink or chew gum during the funeral service.
- Do not converse with those around you.
- If you have to cough for a long period of time, you'll have to leave the place of worship.
- Any disruptive children should be removed immediately.
- When driving in a funeral procession, you're expected to drive in a slow, respectful manner with your headlights on.
- It can be difficult to know what to do or say at a funeral. The most important things are showing support to the family who is suffering a loss and doing so with proper condolences etiquette.